Monday, September 8, 2008


So can we all agree that MTV ruined music? Changed it from something you hear into something you see? From aural to visual? From life force to entertainment?

You know how you know MTV is done? THE PAINT IS NO LONGER DRIPPING OFF THE LOGO! The original team fought for that, it was their cheekiness, their evidence of revolution, the flickering flame of the irreverent sixties. But that era is truly done. This show couldn't be more whored out. Is Verizon V-Cast a band? God, I didn't know you could suck a cell phone company's dick, but MTV is doing its best. To think we used to revere bands, not brands.

Speaking of Brands... Russell is not for this audience. He's too smart for these dumb blowhards. At least those in the audience. These dolts have watched so much television that their synapses are fried, they can no longer think for themselves.

As for the show being at Paramount... It reminds me of nothing so much as "Our Gang", with Spanky, Alfalfa and Darla putting on a show. Everybody looks so small on the big screen. We're not watching this on our mobile phones, but fifty inchers, and you just look desperate and small, like you'll do ANYTHING for the money. If your manager doesn't tell you to STAY OFF TV, FIRE HIM!

In an era of YouTube, of user-generated content, this show is an anachronism that makes one weep. Twenty five years? It's time to can it. The VMAs used to be the countercultural event of the year, the hipsters' award show. Now, it's so establishment, so lame, as to have fallen to the bottom of the heap. At least people are drunk and go off script on the Golden Globes.

Speaking of scripts... I hope that opening with Britney and Jonah Hill was improvised, for that wouldn't even qualify as an SNL outtake. Then again, SNL's been lame for decades.

Britney looked fabulous, but giving her an award is like honoring Doris Day. A has-been who's completely irrelevant, unless you live in Perez Hiltonville. Hell, this show should have been canceled and put on the Web. Certainly better than the Paramount lot...

What, do they think it's 1950? That kids revere the rock, the one in the Paramount logo? Viacom owns both, MTV and the movie studio... Even little kids know this. But I think the real reason they didn't have this in a real venue is they're afraid they wouldn't be able to sell it out, or in the alternative, the audience would be uncontrollable, wouldn't exclaim on cue.

What was up with the Jonas Brothers playing acoustic? This isn't Crosby, Stills & Nash wooden music, but a camp singalong by amateurs.

Katy Perry looks like a TV confection, and didn't even get to sing her whole song.

I would ignore this whole damn show if it wasn't evidence of how out of touch those steering mainstream media companies are. How they have contempt for their audience, think everybody watching is fucking dumb.

But that's the story of the Internet. How smart people actually are. How they want to play. Voting for Video of the Year is not playing, it's ripping the audience off for the texting fee.

The future will not be televised. The revolution is happening now. And this whole Top Forty, dancing fool SoundScan concoction will be engulfed by the earth like an old building being engulfed by blowing sand.

Not a moment too soon.

I'm switching to "Entourage".

- Bob Lefsetz